A thorough analysis of YouTube comments, sarcasm, abuse and silliness

Funnier than most videos on YouTube is the comments beneath them. Because YouTube reaches the entire world, young and old, stupid and clever, communist and capitalist, racist and fascist (these aren't all antonyms) the comments reflect this diverse group.

Just look at any of the top videos' comments from the front page of YouTube to find a profanisaurus of abuse, sarcasm, banality and incredibly profound discussion, not.

For example, I’ve applied some basic marketing research to the below video. If you can't be bothered to watch or it's been taken down it's a clip of BBC horse racing reporter Clare Balding commenting on the winner of the Grand National's dodgy teeth.



Of the first 157 comments they can be split into a variety of themes as displayed in the following table. A fascinating and many may say unnecessary, insight into the minds of the YouTube community.

Gist of comment	Comment count	YouTube username	Typical comment
Someone politely taking offence at the incident	16	emmafan4evr	I think that was really rude of her. How would she like it if she was embarrased like that on live tv?
Someone taking offence and adding abuse	34	AcademyAwardsGirl	That was horrible. What a bitch!
People pointing out Clare's hypocrisy	3	Coli20	Glass houses and all that.......
People pointing out Clare's hypocrisy with abuse	26	eddyspencer	She said that while she is more manly than him...she is the rough version of Gordon Brown i think..
General abuse of Clare	29	adamfatherofall666	she an inbread dog
People commenting on the beauty of the other comments	14	thispagesux	ha ha ha, these comments are brutal lol.
Agreeing with Clare's evaluation of the teeth	9	loxj	Well he does have bad teeth....
People taking offence at others comments	20	moroccovids	r u a bible basher
Bad jokes	1	563421094	Well it is a horse race.............
Other random comments	5	girlzruleboysdrool	I thought all you Brits had bad teeth....what's the problem? haha. Calm down.

Now I’m not outside of all this banter, partaking as I have in a bit of discussion, or 'user baiting' when I know I really shouldn't. See below, my comments are 'ME'.

A lot of YouTube users have trouble with sarcasm



ME (6 months ago) +1
I'm just flabbergasted Brad and Morgan agreed to reshoot that scene. Not Kevin Spacey though, he'll do anything for a bit of publicity.

BryanWay (6 months ago) +3
They didn't reshoot it. It's simply been re-edited.

BlightyLume (6 months ago) 0
I think he may have been joking, friend...

1984slament (5 months ago) 0
really? ... lol

AustinBrock (6 months ago) +1
I think sexteta was just being sarcastic...

ME (6 months ago) 0
It's not reshot? OK that makes sense, I was wondering how they'd get permission to fly the helicopter over the power lines again. Plus Brad Pitt is fatter now and Morgan's got a limp.

This one I’m particularly proud of as my comment can't now be viewed due to the quantity of 'thumbs down' it has got.



ME (5 months ago) -9
What? I just slept through that. It was terrible. Another star in the tradition of the late great Boris Klinger

Personally, I don't care for puppets much. I don't find them believable.

chewbuggars (6 months ago) +3
it doesn't matter to these guys, besides they already knew that you weren't gonna like it.

mahina1963 (6 months ago) +3
the apparent stupidity of some people never cease to amaze me...did you not listen to what they were talking about? Why, YOU!!

ME (3 weeks ago) 0
I've just noticed that my comment is up to -9, the sense of irony is not lost on me.

mavis41558 (1 week ago) 0
I have four channels just so I can double up on negatives

And here's me discussing the issues of this sarcasm with other users.



rvfharrier (3 months ago) +3
Don't people here get the joke? It's not meant to be a serious "this is the stig" video, it's quite funny actually. People on youtube need to think.

ME (3 months ago) +1
"Don't people here get the joke?"
- Ah, now that's the age old YouTube question. Do people commenting on YouTube often not get the joke. I think the obvious answer here is no they don't, but then that just makes it more entertaining for the rest of us to take the piss out of them. Not that i'd ever do that of course...

Wouter259 (3 months ago) 0
You got that right.. xD

Airborne102st (3 months ago) +2
HAHAHAHAHAm how funny.

In this one i'm rumbled for trying to pretend to be sarcastic.



ME (3 weeks ago) 0
I remember watching this in 1985 and wondering at the potential fallout that could occur.

ditde (3 weeks ago) -6
..this wasn't around in 1985. It's just a teaser for Watchmen.

Strange boy.

ME (3 weeks ago) +5
Ha ha, you think Watchmen is just a film? Wait till Dr Manhattan hears of this.

ditde (3 weeks ago) -1
Now he's trying to turn this into a joke when he was clearly trying to look smart.

raguv2000 (3 weeks ago) +1
someone doesn't understand sarcasm

ignorant boy

ditde (3 weeks ago) -1
Was it sarcasm? Didn't seem like it to me.

If it was then I'm sorry, but I doubt it.

ME (3 weeks ago) +1
My memory serves me right. It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.

DoctorWeeTodd (2 weeks ago) 0
My God...

Well, learn to observe.

SoylentGreeeen (3 weeks ago) -2

You're stupid.

And finally, here i am trying to engage in intelligent discussion and getting destroyed in one cutting reply.



ME (5 hours ago) -2
Great video but there's no need to make it look like it's nothing to do with McLaren and Blackberry from the beginning.

Be honest about the fact it's all done by McLaren and their viral agency and we'll still watch the video.

Geepak (5 hours ago) 0
Thats the whole point of a viral. You really aren't that clever.

Google and Max Zorin, Bond baddies set on world domination

With the launch of the first mobile using Google's Android software it got me thinking how far Google have managed to infiltrate our lives. With Android, it's a further invasion into my everyday life, Google will be following me away from my computer and into my pocket (if i have a mobile with Android of course).

This gradual world domination reminded me of someone, a James Bond villain, back in the days when Bond villains were psychopathic and wanted power more than money, it was Max Zorin. Don't follow me? Let me elaborate with bios for both Google and Zorin:

Max Zorin	Google
Profile
Born 31 March 1943, in Dresden, as a product of Nazi medical experimentation during World War II, in which pregnant women were injected with massive quantities of steroids in an attempt to create "super-children." The few babies that survived grew to become extraordinarily intelligent — but also psychopathic with manic blood lust and unpredictable mood swings.	Born in January 1996, as a product of experimentation during Larry Page's research project, in which search engines were injected with massive quantities of backlinks in an attempt to create a "super search engine." Initial experiment 'backrub' was killed off to create Google, an extraordinarily comprehensive web giant - but also psychopathic with manic start-up company acquisition lust.
Well spoken and extraordinarily intelligent, but with a sharp temper and a clinical background, Zorin rose to become a powerful businessman in the microchip market bent on crippling his competition and forming a monopoly.	A corporate philosophy based on the principle that you can make money without doing evil, but with privacy concerns and cookie abuse, Google expanded quickly through a total of 53 acquisitions, crippling their competition and being accused of monopoly.
His business dealings are shady, to say the least, and the villain will brutally close a business deal if ever negotiations do not go his way.	Their business dealings are shady, to say the least.
His wealth is undisputable and associates with a range of businessmen from a variety of countries to gamble on the most unlikely investments - often with outstandingly lucrative consequences.	Their wealth is undisputable with total equity of over US$22 billion and over 19,000 employees from a variety of countries to gamble on the most unlikely investments - often with outstandingly lucrative consequences.
Despite his massive entourage, Zorin harbours a compromising secret - he has been informing on the UK and American governments; passing information to the KGB in exchange for a silent helping hand in business.	Despite their massive entourage, Google harbour a compromising secret - personal data on anyone who has ever walked within 6 feet of an online computer; possible worries over passing personal search data to girlfriends, close friends and your mum.
Scheme
In the hopes of casting a massive monopoly on the US and global microchip production, Zorin plans Operation Mainstrike to afflict a "natural" disaster by flooding the San Andreas fault, which runs under Silicon Valley, the world's primary source of microchips.	In the hopes of casting a massive monopoly on the US and global digital world, Google plans Operation Googleplex to ensure every digital item from mobile phones, to video, to software is Google-ised taking out Microsoft, the world's primary source of digital domination.
Zorin attempts to buy off Sutton Oil and even the executives at San Francisco City Hall in order to conduct his manic plan. Unfortunately, his lust for winning and dirty cheating at horse racing leaves him open to suspicion by the Jockey Association and in turn, MI6.	Google attempts to buy off Viacom and even the Scottish Premier League in order to conduct their manic plan. Unfortunately, their lust for winning and dirty eating at the donut store leave them open to suspicion by the Jockey Association and in turn, the U.S. district court judge.
007 uncovers a trail of dodgy deals, rash and ruthless buy-outs and even murders - all in aid of furthering his manic lust for death and destruction.	Felix Lighter, to this point a character in the left hand side of this table, flicks between narratives and uncovers a trail of dodgy deals, rash and ruthless buy-outs and even April Fool's Day jokes - all in aid of furthering their manic lust for world domination.
Zorin's plan is foiled by Bond and Zorin's former lover and henchman May Day, who joins Bond's side after Zorin attempts to kill her and his men and sacrifices her life to ensure that the bomb set by Zorin could not trigger the quake.	Google's plan is foiled by Lighter and Google's former lover and henchman Yahoo!, who joins Lighter's side after Google attempts to kill it and its exclamation mark and sacrifices its life by joining Microsoft to ensure world domination can not be completed.
Zorin is later killed in a confrontation with Bond, when he falls into the waters of San Francisco Bay from one of the support cables of the Golden Gate Bridge.	Google is later killed in a confrontation with Lighter, when it falls off its home page and lands as a footer on MSN search.
Gadgets
Beyond the chateau, Zorin travels in style, onboard attention grabbing zeppelins - the largest of which is fitted out with a very expansive boardroom, sleeping quarters for all and a nasty staircase that sees disagreeable business associates slide to their death.	Beyond the Googleplex with its giant rubber balls, swimming pools, dinosaurs and spaceships, Google travels in style, onboard attention grabbing architecture - the Zurich base of which is fitted out with a very expansive boardroom, sleeping quarters for all and a nasty staircase that sees disagreeable business associates and hungry employees slide to lunch.
Personal appearance
Blonde hair	White background
Blue eyes	Blue gees, red oh and ees, yellow oh and green el
Quotes
"For centuries alcemists tried to make gold from base metals. Today, we make microchips from silicon, which is common sand, but far better than gold."	"Too few people in computer science are aware of some of the informational challenges in biology and their implications for the world. We can store an incredible amount of data very cheaply." - Sergey Brin
"You discharged her, so she and her accomplice came here to kill you. Then they set fire to the office, to conceal the crime but they were trapped in the elevator and perished in the flames."	"We are currently not planning on conquering the world." - Sergey Brin
Sources: Bio lovingly nicked from Wiki and Bond fansite. Quotes nabbed from IMDB.	Sources: Bio fabricated with the help of Google, Wiki and my fertile imagination. Quotes nabbed from here.

Obviously this is all completely untrue and inaccurate, besides, Google will return in...

Moontaker, The World Is Not Enough

"From the most exotic locations on Earth, Google will take you out of this world!"

Related pages
Don't let Google boss your website around
Should Google News pay publishers for their content?

10 things you'll never hear a web marketer say

That's right it's the top phrases (or 'keyquotes') to have never passed the lips of a groovy web 2.0er.

1. I've just been given a larger budget than the offline team.
2. Of course you can use 'click here' as your link anchor text, that would be very original.
3. AltaVista provides the most comprehensive search experience on the Web! (incidentally this is the Altavista tagline)
4. Yes i'd be happy to work within the IT team.
5. I fully support the use of double spaces, italics and all caps in online copy.
6. A suit is a more appropriate form of office apparel than jeans.
7. How about we try some hidden text?
8. Woohoo, my network connection's dead!
9. Need more hits, let's pay for some banner ads.
10. I've got a degree in web marketing.

Can anyone think of any more? To be followed up by '10 things you'll hear a web marketer say and won't understand'...

I'm being stalked by CRM systems

I've just moved jobs and had to phone up our email marketing supplier to book into a training course.

I couldn't get through so i left my name and was told someone would ring me back.

Half an hour later somebody phoned me. The first thing they said was, "Your name is Ed Sexton? Did you work at Reed before working on i-think?".

I was slightly freaked out, replied in the affirmative and the man i was speaking to then explained to me: "I thought so, I looked up your name on our CRM system before i rang you. You were on the system after you contacted us in 2006 to test our system out for your last company. We're now following your career!"

I laughed and laughed till my head exploded after this comment. I really have travelled to 1984.

Incidentally I didn't actually use them after testing their system for my previous company. How these things come round.

Does Web 2.0 really have a soul?!

"In the future... the Web will grant us not only the vision of gods but also their power."

I've just read the above in an article about the 'amorality of Web 2.0'.

OK, i was only joking when i named my blog "I've sold my soul to Web 2.0". But what's that they say about the truth being spoken in jest...

Update: I've renamed my blog from "I've sold my soul to Web 2.0" to "The meaning of web" so losing the meaning of some of this post. However considering it wasn't that good to begin with i feel i haven't done much damage.