Monday, 29 September 2008

Google and Max Zorin, Bond baddies set on world domination

With the launch of the first mobile using Google's Android software it got me thinking how far Google have managed to infiltrate our lives. With Android, it's a further invasion into my everyday life, Google will be following me away from my computer and into my pocket (if i have a mobile with Android of course).

This gradual world domination reminded me of someone, a James Bond villain, back in the days when Bond villains were psychopathic and wanted power more than money, it was Max Zorin. Don't follow me? Let me elaborate with bios for both Google and Zorin:

Christopher Walken as Max Zorin
Max Zorin
Larry Page and Sergey Bring as Google
Google
Profile
Born 31 March 1943, in Dresden, as a product of Nazi medical experimentation during World War II, in which pregnant women were injected with massive quantities of steroids in an attempt to create "super-children." The few babies that survived grew to become extraordinarily intelligent — but also psychopathic with manic blood lust and unpredictable mood swings.Born in January 1996, as a product of experimentation during Larry Page's research project, in which search engines were injected with massive quantities of backlinks in an attempt to create a "super search engine." Initial experiment 'backrub' was killed off to create Google, an extraordinarily comprehensive web giant - but also psychopathic with manic start-up company acquisition lust.
Well spoken and extraordinarily intelligent, but with a sharp temper and a clinical background, Zorin rose to become a powerful businessman in the microchip market bent on crippling his competition and forming a monopoly.A corporate philosophy based on the principle that you can make money without doing evil, but with privacy concerns and cookie abuse, Google expanded quickly through a total of 53 acquisitions, crippling their competition and being accused of monopoly.
His business dealings are shady, to say the least, and the villain will brutally close a business deal if ever negotiations do not go his way.Their business dealings are shady, to say the least.
His wealth is undisputable and associates with a range of businessmen from a variety of countries to gamble on the most unlikely investments - often with outstandingly lucrative consequences.Their wealth is undisputable with total equity of over US$22 billion and over 19,000 employees from a variety of countries to gamble on the most unlikely investments - often with outstandingly lucrative consequences.
Despite his massive entourage, Zorin harbours a compromising secret - he has been informing on the UK and American governments; passing information to the KGB in exchange for a silent helping hand in business.Despite their massive entourage, Google harbour a compromising secret - personal data on anyone who has ever walked within 6 feet of an online computer; possible worries over passing personal search data to girlfriends, close friends and your mum.
Scheme
In the hopes of casting a massive monopoly on the US and global microchip production, Zorin plans Operation Mainstrike to afflict a "natural" disaster by flooding the San Andreas fault, which runs under Silicon Valley, the world's primary source of microchips.In the hopes of casting a massive monopoly on the US and global digital world, Google plans Operation Googleplex to ensure every digital item from mobile phones, to video, to software is Google-ised taking out Microsoft, the world's primary source of digital domination.
Zorin attempts to buy off Sutton Oil and even the executives at San Francisco City Hall in order to conduct his manic plan. Unfortunately, his lust for winning and dirty cheating at horse racing leaves him open to suspicion by the Jockey Association and in turn, MI6.Google attempts to buy off Viacom and even the Scottish Premier League in order to conduct their manic plan. Unfortunately, their lust for winning and dirty eating at the donut store leave them open to suspicion by the Jockey Association and in turn, the U.S. district court judge.
007 uncovers a trail of dodgy deals, rash and ruthless buy-outs and even murders - all in aid of furthering his manic lust for death and destruction.Felix Lighter, to this point a character in the left hand side of this table, flicks between narratives and uncovers a trail of dodgy deals, rash and ruthless buy-outs and even April Fool's Day jokes - all in aid of furthering their manic lust for world domination.
Zorin's plan is foiled by Bond and Zorin's former lover and henchman May Day, who joins Bond's side after Zorin attempts to kill her and his men and sacrifices her life to ensure that the bomb set by Zorin could not trigger the quake.Google's plan is foiled by Lighter and Google's former lover and henchman Yahoo!, who joins Lighter's side after Google attempts to kill it and its exclamation mark and sacrifices its life by joining Microsoft to ensure world domination can not be completed.
Zorin is later killed in a confrontation with Bond, when he falls into the waters of San Francisco Bay from one of the support cables of the Golden Gate Bridge.Google is later killed in a confrontation with Lighter, when it falls off its home page and lands as a footer on MSN search.
Gadgets
Beyond the chateau, Zorin travels in style, onboard attention grabbing zeppelins - the largest of which is fitted out with a very expansive boardroom, sleeping quarters for all and a nasty staircase that sees disagreeable business associates slide to their death.Beyond the Googleplex with its giant rubber balls, swimming pools, dinosaurs and spaceships, Google travels in style, onboard attention grabbing architecture - the Zurich base of which is fitted out with a very expansive boardroom, sleeping quarters for all and a nasty staircase that sees disagreeable business associates and hungry employees slide to lunch.
Personal appearance
Blonde hairWhite background
Blue eyesBlue gees, red oh and ees, yellow oh and green el
Quotes
"For centuries alcemists tried to make gold from base metals. Today, we make microchips from silicon, which is common sand, but far better than gold.""Too few people in computer science are aware of some of the informational challenges in biology and their implications for the world. We can store an incredible amount of data very cheaply." - Sergey Brin
"You discharged her, so she and her accomplice came here to kill you. Then they set fire to the office, to conceal the crime but they were trapped in the elevator and perished in the flames.""We are currently not planning on conquering the world." - Sergey Brin
Sources: Bio lovingly nicked from Wiki and Bond fansite. Quotes nabbed from IMDB.
Sources: Bio fabricated with the help of Google, Wiki and my fertile imagination. Quotes nabbed from here.

Obviously this is all completely untrue and inaccurate, besides, Google will return in...

Moontaker, The World Is Not Enough

"From the most exotic locations on Earth, Google will take you out of this world!"

Related pages
Don't let Google boss your website around
Should Google News pay publishers for their content?

1 comment:

juls-chuls said...

Pretty conclusive stuff. Though might I suggest going into the digital equivalent of witness protection, lest Google try to smite you into oblivion?